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Keep up with the latest insights and news from Iuri Melo.
Shift from wanting to be valued to being valuable
While I was vacationing in northern Utah by Bear Lake, I came across a book by Ester Rasband entitled, “confronting the myth of self-esteem.” There were several principles that truly touched me as I read the book, but the one that stayed with me the very most, and has been invaluable to others, is the brilliant psychology of shifting your mindset from wanting to be valued by others, to being valuable to others. Individuals who live by the “I want/need to be valued by others” mantra, increase their risk for emotional instability, a constant worry about what others are thinking and feeling about them, a feeling of lack of control over their lives and emotions, a dependency on others to feel good about themselves and their life, and a tendency to personalize other people’s mistakes by turning them into whether they care of don’t care about them. In a way their mantra is, “if you do this, feel this, think this, then that means you care and that i’m valuable, if you don’t, it means you don’t care, and that i’m not worth caring about.” This roller coaster like existence, of when others value me, i’m valuable and worthwhile is an incorrect and corrupt psychology, that at some point that individual has adopted. This obsession about what others are thinking and feeling will invariably lead to an extreme focus on external circumstances, and a lack of awareness and insight on what is happening internally. This often causes the individual to be critical of others, to blame others for their own emotional state and circumstances, to pressure the people...
10 Thinking distortions that will poison your relationships – part 1
Our cognition is of such great import! Our ability to to take in stimuli (external or internal events) and to give it meaning, stands as Viktor Frankl eloquently claimed, “the last human freedom”, the ability to write our own story regardless of the circumstances. There is great power in our ability to interpret and define life as it occurs around us.
